We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
