Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
