I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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