Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
