Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
