can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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