It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
