i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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