google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize