that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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