There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
