Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
