so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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