This girl is more easily done than said...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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