I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
