hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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