FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
