I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
