my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Randomize
