Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
