i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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