My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
