Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
