piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
