I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
