it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
