I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize