Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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