lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
