she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize