I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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