You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize