She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
