You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
