You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
