She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
