Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
