these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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