had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
