Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize