I am in a vortex of obligation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
