Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
