she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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