I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
