What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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