Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
