You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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