Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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