I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
