WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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