I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we're making bets on your personal life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize