I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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