pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
