Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
