just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
