No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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