went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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