At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
