we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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