Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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