erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
