We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
