im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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