let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
