then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
