I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
