I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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