we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize